Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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