Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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