Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
