Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
