Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
