best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
