If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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