Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just had sex bonerless
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
