The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
