yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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