I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
