my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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