I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
