hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
