I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
