Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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