Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
