That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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