she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
