a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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