Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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