I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize