Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
