she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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