White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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