I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
FUCK WHALES
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
