Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
