I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
