evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
