But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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