if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
