tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
