mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Less talking, more tequila
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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