pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
