your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
