I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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