I wanna bring you to show and tell
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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