OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
