You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize