What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So many bounce houses so little time
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
