I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
