Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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