Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
