Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
