The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
