Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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