I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
