and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
