Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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