Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i was born a porn star she said
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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