I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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