Jerry, you need to find god
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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