There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
