Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
