there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize