can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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