I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
