1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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