he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
