I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
