he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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