What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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