Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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