I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
