I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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