let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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