oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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