I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
