Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
